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Thursday, March 31, 2011

"Try-Athletes": Barf in the Pool

I didn't do it.

All day, I was unsure whether or not I would go swimming. You see, at 2am this morning, my little dog decided it was time to get up and go for a run - all over me and my bed. So I was woken by this little furball who would not go back to sleep. And while I love him, I do not want to be awake that early. So that is how the day started. Nearly 6 hours later, I then slipped on ice coming out of my house and fell sideways into snow, nearly slicing my arm open as my arm fell through the ice due to the thawing and freezing that has been happening.

At that point, I thought to myself, 'If I am dirty and bleeding, I am going back inside and calling work to say I am not coming in because I should not be around children if I am hurt and this p!ssed off." And that will be directly AFTER I kick the bejeezus out of the house like a donkey.

But I wasn't bleeding. My arm hurt but I 'sucked it up, buttercup' and went to work. You see, I am teaching Huck Finn and I really love that book, so off I went. It doesn't take much to balance out the world.

But I didn't like it.

When I got to work, Jenny reminded me that we also had a meeting right after school. Well, that was enough for me to just want to lay in a corner and be done with the day. There was no way I could go home after school to eat and visit Harley, come back for a meeting, rehearse, then go swimming, etc. I couldn't do everything. Plus God knows how long this meeting could last, since it would start at 4.

Sweet Lord almighty in Heaven. So I set it down: no rehearsal, no swimming, nothing. This meeting, and that was it for me. I was going home and that was it.

So all day, Jenny kept telling me I was going to Swim, and I wasn't sure, and all I could think of was that the pool was going to freeze, and I didn't want to move my arms and legs a lot - I just wanted to lay down and relax. My dog is always alone, and sleeping, which is why he wakes up at 2am and races around the bed. I figured staying home would be good.

At lunch, one of the other teachers asks if we would like to have our school group do a fundraiser and Jenny jumps on the idea. I am a bit wary because it is hard to get kids at the last minute. Jenny's EXACT words were, "We'll do it! I can get kids no problem. Kids love me. I can get kids in 10 minutes."

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Jenny rounded up ONE kid. And to this minute, I am still not sure if he is coming. We need ten kids. So, all day, I have been hounding kids to come to this black tie affair. I was doing this ALL afternoon - texting kids, even the graduates from last year.

This fundraiser is an excellent opportunity and I am glad we have it, however, I could punch her in the head for the "I can get kids in ten minutes!" because this is what she did next:

- she went home at 5:30pm for a N-A-P, without confirming with anyone that the gala fundraiser volunteers were ready for tomorrow. Miss "I can get kids in ten minutes! Kids love me!" went home for a nap.

- At 3:30 she had a meeting. At that point, I was feverishly facebooking kids the info and asking them to get back to me ASAP regarding the fundraiser.

- At 4:00 we decided to go for supper. She was buying, even though that was unnecessary. She bought dinner the night before, but she said I bought lunch, but I only bought salad, and she said "Well I only bought a Pogo", and I said, "Well you bought me a Pogo so don't worry about it!" and for some reason, this was absolutely hilarious to her, which made me laugh, too. Our arguments are completely ridiculous. Some people fight about religion and territory. We fight about salad and Pogos. Pogoes. Pogo's. Whatever.

- At 5:15 we went home. So at 5:30, she says she is going for a nap. 'Call before you come get me!' she texted.

- At 5:30pm, I was facebooking and texting kids to ensure they could come to the gala and that they had rides. What was "I can get kids in ten minutes!" doing? Oh, she was having a snooze and dreaming about rainbows and unicorns, no doubt.

PS - after canceling rehearsal, etc., our original meeting was rescheduled.

And then, when I called her at 6:50 to wake her up, she didn't answer the damn phone. Of course. So I called again, and she was out to lunch because she was still asleep. When I picked her up, she was a Giggle Bomb, trying to explain that she was still asleep. When I told her all about my feelings regarding the "I can get kids in ten minutes!" she said, "Oh, I didn't know it was Comedy Hour!" because apparently I am hilarious when I tell my feelings. Well, then.

Then, we drive downtown, only to get a text message form Alanna, telling us that the pool is closed because it is full of barf. Seriously. Someone seriously barfed in the pool. So they have to spike the chlorine, and then let that settle down. It wouldn't be done before our swim time was up so we decided to leave. We even saw our new swim buddy there but it was all a waste.

Barf Lips McGee was in attendance and had taken over the situation. Good job, buddy. You ruined our Swim plans.

On the way back, Jenny figured we could go to WalMart and get her retreat stuff straightened away. She also thought it would be a good time to get her passport photos taken. I told her yeah, because her hair was in a ponytail, it was a good time. My EXACT words were, "Yeah, they'll make you put your hair in a ponytail." Somehow, she took this to mean I was saying she was a dirty rotten ugly face. *shakes head*... So then we had a racket about that.

"What we got here is a failure to communicate." (GnR)

Anyway, by the time we were halfway through the Tim Horton's lineup, we realized that neither of us had purses and the amount of money we had totaled up to $7.25 - enough for water, a hot chocolate and donut each. So WalMart was out.

We talked about going to LA on the way home. We have to look for good things to do while we are there. Universal Studios and the Walk of Fame are for sure... but we need more things to do. Meanwhile, Jenny was telling me off for everything, so I told her the trip was off. She said no, the trip was back on, whether I liked it or not. I don't know when she got so bossy. Maybe LA isn't the best place for us to go - we are a comedy show unto ourselves and it could get out of control. On the other hand, maybe LA is the best place for us...

If we could ever get in the frigging pool to keep up with our workouts, we would be in good shape to go there - the Walk of Fame is 15 blocks long or something - we have a lot to do. People barfing in the pool is NOT conducive to our health and body shaping.

Just sayin'.

BTW - we are not mad with each other, we regularly talk to each other this way. You should see us in person.

Also, we are working out for 4 hours tomorrow because we missed 2 hours of Swim and 1.5 hours of Spin this week due to various other things that basically messed up our workout lives.

And for those of you who may still be reading, I hope you are still able to hear me in these stories.

Sometimes, I forget that this is essentially a life piece - it isn't meant to be 'correct' in any way, shape or form.

If you are reading, I hope you can picture it. I hope you laugh sometimes. I hope our successes inspire you. And if you don't like it & it annoys you, all it takes is a mouse click to close the browser window ;-)

Take care :)

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