At one point, Brent turned around tonite and asked us if we were on the same plane of consciousness as everyone else. It took us a couple of seconds to think about what he was saying and to respond. We were definitely not in the same realm as the rest of the Spinners.
Holly told us that everyone was Back in Business and that this class was no Mullet - no parties here tonite. But really, the power of the human mind is truly amazing. My eyes were pretty much rolling back in my head before I even got there. Y'see, I had a migraine and had to take meds all day. By the time I got to Try-Club, my brain was already out to lunch. So hopping on a Good Ole Spin Bike just sent me right into the Stratosphere. Hello, stars. How are y'all doing?
I wanted to vomit and already had two nosebleeds before I got there. The top of my head was hot and I thought for sure I was going to fall off my bike. I figured I would end up taking a walk to the bathroom before we would finish with the 15 hour long bike ride, but I made it. I had to slow down to a crawling pace at some times, but I did make it.
Jenny made it, too. She found it tough tonite but as she said, we are getting back into it this week and it may take us some time. Slane-dog told us that we are getting over the hump where people sometimes give up on working out... people start workouts and then give up after 3 or 4 weeks because they see results and think they can finish and the results will stay that way forever or they find it just too hard to continue. But we are continuing, as tough as it is to get there after a hard day of work and as tough as the workouts themselves are.
Sitting on the bikes tonite, we barely looked at each other. We just kept trying to keep our legs going in circles. Only toward the end of the 60 minutes did we finally start laughing due to the exhaustion and otherworldy experiences we began to have. Jenny had gone to the bathroom for a minute and when she returned, we finally got into a chat.
In other news...
I'm contrary today. Contrary as the dirty old witch. I can't even describe it. It started about two days ago for no good reason. I thought it would go away and really, this rarely happens. Sometimes when I get migraines I get a bit weird, but it usually goes away after I sleep. But this time, it isn't going away. Instead, it is building slowly. I want to be contrary. I want to be a big, raging contrary face. And I don't even care what anyone thinks about it. How about that? Back home, we would call this 'on the balk', and I always thought this was just Newfie terminology. So I looked it up. It is actually terminology dealing with horses - they balk on the trail, etc. And I guess us Newfies 'get on the balk' when we are being stubborn or obstinate. So rather than just settle down and not be contrary, I am 'on the balk'. Whatever about it.
Jenny and I have decided to post photos of us at our fattest, and what we feel are our worst moments. We have already posted our sickest pictures (the pictures of us pretending to be The Joker and the next book cover for Stephen King at the hospital). So it is time now for the Fat Girl pictures.
My picture is at Brent's birthday party a couple of years ago. On this particular day, I was suffering from untreated migraines, and I had pink eye as well as being at my heaviest weight. It was quite the summer. Only days after this picture was taken, I started being treated for migraines and this treatment helped with some of the weight issue in addition to the migraines. Sometimes you don't even know you are sick until you start being treated for something small, and it turns out to be much bigger than you expected.
Jenny says her photo was when she was visiting her cousins in Moncton. She was living with her parents and just eating a lot. She obviously doesn't talk as much as me, at least not in the written word. She does talk a lot in person. She speaks a lot in person; I speak more in print.
Jenny and I agree that there are times in people's lives when they do not properly take care of themselves physically, mentally or emotionally for whatever reason, and those people end up self-medicating through some drug of choice, but many people often think that 'drug' is usually alcohol or some illegal or prescribed substance.
That is not necessarily so.
People self-medicate in all kinds of ways. We are guilty of this, and maybe you are, too. Who knows about it? You are the judge of that.
Food seems to be, at least to me, the most popular and definitely the most acceptable as well as quite likely the most addictive of all substances. Look at the prevalence of obesity. Many people eat away their feelings and we all know it isn't healthy but many of us still do it every single day. Worse yet, people binge eat and that isn't healthy either. It's easy to judge others for their vices but we all have something that we don't want to give up or let go.
Just as we are all good at something, we also have something that we are either really bad at or that is really bad that we enjoy.
It's hard to face the truth - really hard. We're posting these pictures in an effort to really be honest with ourselves, to show how we see ourselves at our worst and to show why we want to change.
It's sometimes hard to trust others, because we wonder if the other will support us when we feel down or contrary :D. It's sometimes hard to trust yourself, to believe that you won't give up on yourself. We said tonite that it's nights like these, the ones where we end up stuck at work until 6pm without eating dinner and we are too tired to do anything, that we really have to go out of our way to make an extra effort despite it feeling worse than ever once we are there.
* Thanks, Jenny, for being there for me today, and saying that you would do anything to help me to not be contrary :) I hope one day, you are a contrary little bugger so I can do the same for you. :D