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Friday, June 29, 2012

Some Things

 when I'm in : Netflix, pizza delivery, high speed internet

 when I'm in : road construction outside my window, tar sand beetles, pavement hot enough to melt your shoes

Wednesday, June 20, 2012


I intended to celebrate my ten-year anniversary in Fort McMurray.

I missed it.

I get my 'milestone events' mixed up. Y'see, I moved here in Jan '02. I started work in the Catholic district approximately Feb/Mar '02. I started working at Merc in Oct '02. I started my full-time teaching position at Merc in Feb '03.

So my ten-year anniversary at Merc as a full-time teacher is in Feb '13 (I think?) but I was thinking all of those events happened at exactly the same time. D'uh. Good thing I'm not a Math teacher.

So I missed the Jan '12 and Feb/Mar '12 anniversaries. I have one coming up in Oct, though. Hopefully I can remember it - but no promises.

So, I missed two important dates. Actually, if you have read previous entries, you might remember that I miss important events all the time - I just don't remember to remember them ('forget' sounds so negative). Not intentionally, mind you. It's just that if I am not actively thinking about it, I don't remember it.

Whatever. Facebook keeps a little ongoing list of birthdays. My cell keeps phone numbers. It's the advent of technology that has caused my memory problems.

Otherwise, I would have remembered how long I have been in the Fort. I was going to have a celebratory dinner or something. Maybe watch a movie. Y'know, go all-out.

So, I am a ten-year veteran. Woohoo! Where has the time gone?

Or, maybe my Math is wrong. Is it still 2012?

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Whirlwinds & Hockey Sticks

Dear Life,

Generally, you are awesome.

However, at some point, you decided that this week needed to be 10x longer than any other week this year. This should have been discussed between us, first.

This is not me. It's all you. I'm just trying to straighten you out. You gotta get it together.

So, school's year-end is usually a flurry of happiness and excitement. I feel more like this is a wading pool of insane laughter, smiles and hugs.

It's time to crank it up a notch, little buddy.

Also, I fear that my hall neighbours might incite a full-on hockey stick riot if this does not happen. One might 'bust up a hockey stick' or something, and that would not do anything to discourage our little ones from trying to play the game in ELA class. This could become like last year's Cup riots... out.of.control.

So, you know, stay awesome, stay golden, stay good.

But let's get the whirlwind happening, shall we?

Summer '12, summer '12... woooo!

Sunday, June 10, 2012

'I Love Being Beaten Up' #SaidNoOneEver

Harley and I were beaten up.

First, one of my students decided to bust up my toe. He annihilated it.

I was trying to make him go to class and he basically kickboxed it. I had sandals on and he was wearing sneakers. You can see the problem.

So, my toe bent backwards at odd angles. The toe nail fell off and there was blood everywhere. I then took numerous pictures to prove I was an injured player.

Disclaimer: that's not exactly how it happened.

Reality: initially, I didn't know my toe was hurt / busted. I think I was in shock. The other teacher (whose room I was trying to keep my student out of) told me that my toe was bleeding... and so it was, a little bit. In nearly ten years at my school, no one has ever made me bleed my own blood (other people's blood... a different matter). I have stopped fights, helped kids who were hurt, etc., but have never bled. Until that day.

And the whole thing was a big joke to begin with. My students are very friendly and laid back and often come for visits and go for visits with others and generally are very good. So, when I went to see another teacher for supplies, this one kid trotted right behind me to visit, too. And when I turned around to tell him to go back to class, he said he was there to 'back me up' (because you know, I need back up when I visit people) and in the ensuing conversation, his sneakered foot kicked my sandaled foot and that was it for my toe. Game over.

The thing is, the kid didn't mean for it to happen, was kind of afraid I was going to give him detention for the rest of his high school years, and after returning to class while giggling like a loon, he then ran over for a hug while saying "It'll be ok, your toe will get better."

And his final words on the whole situation were, "At least it'll make a good story!" *giggle giggle*

He's so cute.

He then nearly broke my friend's hip when she asked him about it. In an effort to stop her from walking in his direction, he threw his envelope of paper in her direction when she was walking toward him and the envelope went careening under her feet, and she nearly fell down because of it.

He almost took out both of us in mere hours. He is so dangerous!


In other news, Jenny almost killed Harley. We went to visit her on Saturday. She lives in a house with a dog and two cats. What a bunch of shenanigans.

We walked in, and the dog wanted to eat Harley. He decided to stay away from her.

Then, Jenny was dancing and Harley decided to dance, too, but Jenny kicked him in the face because Harley can't dance, despite thinking he is human.

(She didn't kick him in the face because he can't dance... he was kicked in the face because his dancing skills were subpar, causing him to be a hazard in the dance)

The sound of the CHOMP-SNAP and the look on his face after was priceless. It sounded like dentures being snapped shut. Game over.

You could hear crickets after the CHOMP-SNAP and then he scurried away from Dancing Jenny pretty quickly.

He came running back to Mama right away.

THEN, Jenny said, "Oh, I'll show you a cat!" and brought a big orange cat to us. She said, "Oh, he's beautiful, he's so cute! He will love Harley!"

Harley hasn't ever spent time around cats before. He kept an open mind, mostly because he doesn't know any better.

The cat (who thinks it is a python) opened it's mouth and snarl-hissed at Harley. And it's mouth was big. And by snarl-hiss, I mean it screamed.

It was in Jenny's arms at the time, and she screamed in fright and threw it... "AAAHHHH!!!!!!"

Harley basically passed out in my arms.

I was stone-still in fear.

It then went over and hopped up on a counter and then up onto cupboards in 2 movements. Sneaky.

The PythonCat could have eaten us.

When Jenny went for a shower, I took Harley outside and we weren't out the door for 2 seconds... I turned around and PythonCat was right behind us. Very sneaky.

And scary.

When I looked at him, he took off. I had to protect my baby. Harley is only little and tiny.

PythonCat was big. And savage.

'PythonCat is nice' said no one, ever. He did not love Harley. Harley does not love him.

Harley did love all the little doggies he met at the park this week. Today, there were so many Maltese dogs, I couldn't keep up with them. They were like a bunch of maggots, all running around! So many Maltese!

Harley was tired from all the running. He smells so bad and needs a bath but I am lazy and don't want to do it. I wish he could bathe himself.

But no, he can't dance, he can't bathe himself, he can't protect himself. All he can do is run around and get dirty.

But, I suppose, at least my toes are safe around him.

Sunday, June 3, 2012

Too Cool...

By lunchtime yesterday, Harley had parameters on him like never before.

He had the hair in his ears plucked, his toenails cut, he was microchipped and signed up for obedience school.

He hadn't even had his breakfast yet.

Truth be told, all of these things are for his own good. The first two things, the ears and nails, have been done repeatedly throughout his life and he is used to them. Obviously, they are for his health and comfort.

The microchipping and school are also for his health and comfort. You see, Harley is a little Houdini escape artist. I don't want him to escape and become someone else's new pet or brand new roadkill, so these were steps I needed to take to prevent those things.

Microchipping reminds me a little of a futuristic identification system because the very thought of doing that to a human is so alien. However, sticking a piece of foreign matter into an animal is commonplace if we want him returned to his rightful owner. But, I suppose, pawprinting is probably not so great a time for anyone involved.

While waiting at the vet clinic, we happened upon a great find: two little shirts with Harley's name written all over them. One of them addressed obedience school:

and I think it sums up his personality nicely. It would also do a bang-up job of describing mine if it started with "KINDA DESPERATE..." rather than "TOO COOL..." but it'll have to do.

But, no kidding, this needs to work for us. I want him to listen to me when I speak and I don't want to be yelling at him. We need to be civilized.

We have to get our lives straightened out. I'm lazy and he is insubordinate.

Hopefully the teacher there is strong-willed. She needs to get us in line.

Plus, we're both oppositional defiant. Sheesh.

I wish I had a shirt like that, too. We could wear them to class together.