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Monday, April 23, 2012

Art Night 1: if it makes you happy

I started painting in an Art class.

Sweet love of God.

I don't know how to paint or draw, but that's what I am going to do.

I love it.

The Arse

First, Harley's arse almost made me late for Art.

I left work today and had to take my doggie for a walk. As I have been doing his whole life, I took him to the Snye and we booted it around the pond as fast as our legs could take us.

the Snye in February

He wanted to sniff every rock and actually wanted to poop outside, of course. He NEVER does that. So of course, I had to pick it up and I just wanted to barf.

Meanwhile, a guy was sneaking over to check out what I put in the garbage can and was furtively looking at me, much like one would do if you were trying to steal someone's treasure. Have at 'er, buddy. It ain't no treasure to me - I see lots of it daily. He didn't go to the garbage can, probably because he could smell dog arse from twenty feet away from the can. That could make anyone's eyes water.

Anyway, when we got back to the vehicle, I was trying to figure out what to get for supper and wasted a good ten minutes looking for a number online for the sushi place. Then I got vicious and decided to make rice and beans at home. So off I went to my house.

I was in such a rush, I had to take supper with me to Art Night.

Harley's arse is bad news. We wasted precious moments picking up poo at the pond.

No, there is no picture. There was no time.

The Password 

I got to the class and knocked on the door. The door opened and the woman said, "What's the password?" (I'm not kidding) and my mind went blank. Then, like a Rolodex (remember those? If not, Google it), my brain started flipping through the Art emails... but nothing... so I said, "Please" in the hopes that good manners would work, if nothing else.

I was admitted entry to Art class.


I almost cried.

Over the course of the evening, there were 6 of us doing various projects.

One girl was making balls but that story is for later.

The Painting

Our teacher is actually teaching us, and by teaching I mean teaching from the ground up. At one point, she was showing me what to do to blend in some paint colours, and I asked a question. Then I realized how cocky and snotty I sounded. If you read previous entries, you might remember how I really have an issue with my tone of voice and my facial expressions - I always look mad and sound snotty when I am not, in any way. That's just my face. Sorry about my face!

So I quickly clarified, saying, "I'm not being snotty, I really want to know why because when I do this again, I'll need to know every step." And the girls cracked up laughing at me because they said I did sound snotty (of course I did!) but our teacher said she didn't think I was being snotty. WHEW.

I took pictures of my progress (of course I did).

beautiful blank canvas: I can do anything

the first coat: this is how I Make Art

I am an artist. you may as well admit it

You may as well just say that I am fantastic. Look at that blending of colours. My teacher only did some of it, not all. We are eventually going to have white blending to blue blending to dark blue. This is the beginning. Man, you guys expect a lot for the first night.

I'd say I am on the ball.

The only 'bad' thing was that I started to swoop with my brush, and no swooping is allowed when you are painting. You have to make little lines. Our teacher is a pro, obviously. I am not a pro. But I am snazzy, even though I can't really see all the colours they said they can see. Whatever about it.

The Drawing

ALSO, I was going to start a special drawing of Harley but I tried to print his picture and the printers may or may not have printed anything. So there may or may not be this random bunch of Harley pictures everywhere. I couldn't find them. Not kidding, and they are only partials of his face, which is even creepier. Three black dots in a triangle on a background of white... people are going to think it's Morse code, Braille, or a Rorschach picture.

Watching The Grass Grow

Stephanie is also Making Art, and she is doing an Extra-Special-Project, as hers will be featured in her wedding next summer. She is making gold-leaf letters of her fiance's surname, as she will be taking his name after their wedding, so this project is dear to her heart.

Her first task tonight was to pick the letters she wanted to use. She couldn't figure out what she wanted to go with, so I looked at her letters with her. 'Hmmm,' I thought, 'it's funny how she talks about gardening and flowers all the time, and a couple of her letters have flowers but some have grass... how strange that she didn't choose all letters with flowers.' So I said that to her.

"Why don't you go with letters that have flowers, since that is 'your thing', since you already have 2 matching letters, that way you have a whole theme happening and it will look good?"

I am brilliant.

"Oh, wow," Stephanie said, "I didn't even see that before! Look at that, I was picking the ones with flowers in the letters and I didn't even notice!"

And she didn't notice. Not at all. Funny how something can be right in front of you and it just needs to be pointed out so it becomes clear to you, too.

Steph's letter B

She was pretty happy once it was pointed out and the choice was made. Look at that smile ^. A flowery 'BURT' it is. That's the new surname, for those of you not in the know.

Then she showed me her new gardening supplies, which she was very happy about. Yee-haw for gardening supplies, I say.

I told her if it makes her happy to watch the grass grow, then have at it. All the power to you!

Before the night was over, she had her face full of whatever it was she was painting with: glue or paint or something. She looked like she had a Charlie Chaplin mustache for awhile. It's all good.

The Balls

The girl making balls has her work cut out for her. She has to make a lot of them. We helped for awhile but she was still at it when we left. She needs to use tiny clay balls for a multimedia project, and they will be the sand, as in a sandy beach. The balls I made were too big, 4x the size they needed to be, so I squished them all together again. She said, "the size of pearls" but mine were like blueberries. Oh well, pearls are pretty tiny - my hands got cramped making just blueberry size. Those were some little, tiny balls.


A couple of other girls were making similar projects there tonight. One was a painting and another is a drawing that will turn into a painting. That girl is a pro, though. She is all business. The other girl is doing a multimedia project, as well, and is off in her own little world. When I asked her how she was doing, she said she was good but couldn't really hear over the radio, and I think she asked if we were talking about perverts. I couldn't really hear over the radio in that corner, either, so I just smiled and nodded. Then we were both just kind of staring at each other, smiling and nodding in this awkward, 'Why are we talking about perverts?' kind of way. Good thing we are friends and when you are friends, it's ok if you talk about perverts.

Nut Cases

We decided, in the end, that we are like Kindergarten students. Another girl and I had to share a paint brush and we did pretty well, A+. Steph and I got our picture taken (of course), and if you can see, she has her paint brush in her hand, in a death grip. We are both grinning like nut cases. We are so excited and proud to be in Art Class that we have become the nerdiest kids in class, chatting and giggling like lunatics. We talked about grass for awhile, seriously.

Look at those faces.

pure nerds

You can't beat us in enthusiasm. We may only get baby-steps in a couple of hours a night but at least we are taking steps. I have a painting started, which is more than I had at 6pm this evening. When I have that painting done, I might barf from excitement. If I actually get a drawing of Harley done, I'll probably faint from pure happiness.

Unless I faint from the smell of his arse first.

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