"Try-Athletes": Scrambled Eggs & Baloney Sandwiches

FatGirls: 1... IronMan Brent: 0.

That's right, folks... Jenny, Lisa & I were at Swim Night but we didn't see our head dude. He might be able to do upside-down helicopters on his bike but he didn't show up at Swim today. Maybe his legs were tired from all that reverse flying. Brent sweetie pie honeybunches of oats, you are not immune to the razzing. You told Jenny we could join the club, so you are lucky that you have been safe so far :D

We hope the IronMan is ok, but we have to rejoice a little bit in the fact that we were there but he wasn't. Or, at least, we didn't see him. The reason he might not have been there is that there is a snowstorm, with terrible roads and accidents everywhere. We FatGirls, though, do not want to be the only ones not at the Swim practice, so we got our arses going. We also do not want to want to lose out on our final week of our first 4 Week Challenge. We are only 2 WORKOUTS AWAY FROM OUR FIRST BIG ANNIVERSARY!! *insert appropriate dance steps here*

Alanna was unable to come tonight due to the snowstorm as well. So Jenny and I decided to impart our wisdom upon Lisa. Now, you might be a bit concerned for Lisa's safety and well-being at this point, but rest assured, we all made it home in one piece as I am not writing this in the hospital nor at the funeral home. All is still well.

Before we left, I got a lesson plan from Alanna via text message. I kid you not. This girl is a treasure. I asked her if she thought we were safe enough to go on our own and she reassured me that we were. So we went.

We stuck our toes into the water and we were chilled to the bone immediately. I think someone forgot to pay for the heat. Maybe they should send their bill to Rock 97.9 to see if they can get it burned. Anyway, I hopped in first, to break the ice, so to speak. It was cold. I got chills, and they multiplied. I almost lost control.

Then Lisa hopped in. Jenny was being a wuss so we had to splash her. Finally she got in, too, then tried to drag me under like the Loch Ness Monster. And this was the tone for the evening. The laughs began and we were all kind of chilly right away, and I was trying to explain to them what the Coach had told me about proper kick technique, but I was not explaining it right.

I waved the Coach over for some advice, but he said he wasn't allowed to come over. I don't know if he was kidding or not. 'I'm pretty sure we paid our dues and therefore we are members of the club, so I'm pretty sure he can answer this,' was what I thought to myself. What I said aloud was, "Can you tell these girls what you told me before about kicking properly?" because often, the things I say aloud are not the things that are being said in my head. The things that come out of my mouth are much nicer and not nearly as funny.

Jenny and Lisa tried it, and then he corrected me on what I was doing. We all agreed that it was much more difficult to do it correctly. So we thanked him and off he went. And Jenny asked when exactly he had taught me this little lesson and why I was now taking his advice. The thing is - he told me that the first time I met him - the night he kicked me out of swim club. So finally, I was able to show them what I meant by the kick-forward business. Someone finally listened to me.

Earlier today, Jenny had supervision with Slane-dog, so we asked him for his advice on the whole swimming situation. We are getting as much info from as many people as we can - you never know when something might click and make things easier. So he gave us a demonstration right in the front hallway of school. And we copied him. We told him he should come to the pool so we can do the same things but he shut us down pretty quickly on that front. Basically, he showed us the arm movements that we are doing and how we need to make them better. We know what to do, and now the little finer points of shoulder movements and arm placements and all that jazzeroni makes a difference, or at least I find it does.

Jenny also made fun of me for something that happened at Spin yesterday. I forgot about one of our workout things: the mountain climber. During the run/walk, I went to the bathroom. When I returned, the class was already doing this mountain climber business, so I jumped in and started doing it. When I looked around, people were doing it to various degrees so I figured I would give'r all I could and go hard. So I did. When Jenny saw me, she nearly died laughing. She said I looked like I was climbing Mount Everest, going hardcore on the mountain. She says I came back from the bathroom, saying, "You wanna climb a mountain? I'll climb a mountain. Let's go! Right now!" and then busted out with legs flying everywhere. Meanwhile, back on the mountain, I figured I only had a couple to do, so I may as well do good ones. Yeah, my legs were going right up past my elbows but who cares?? Someday I'll have to climb some mountain and I'll be glad I prepared early. Whatevs.

I learned a new term from Lynda today: bilateral breathing. What I call left side breathing, in combination with my regular, right side breathing is called bilateral breathing. Fancy. All in all, I call this a success story. Lynda told me today that we are really challenging ourselves and Trying to learn a lot. This is good - we are hard on ourselves now because we have been soft on ourselves for a long time.

My challenge for myself today was to work on breathing on my left side until I got it under control. Well guess what, people reading these words right now? I did it. Yeah, you read that right. I. Did. It. I swam and breathed out on the left side like no one's business. Now, I wasn't perfect, but I was able to do it. I was better at getting the left side under control than I was in getting the right side under control. I didn't have so much of a chicken wing today as I did on Sunday. I don't know where it went but I was better.

Now, this could be a combination of things. First, I was drowning in my own snot when I first started at the right side breathing, and now I am not doing that so much. Second, I am used to the right side breathing, which is enabling me to slip into the left side breathing easier. And third, I have built up a bit of endurance already. I don't know about it. I'm not complaining.

And, another thing, because it was taking me so long to get the left side figured out, by the time I went back to the right side, I was flying down the pool. Well, not really, but you know what I'm saying. I felt like my right side was absolutely fantastic. I was very proud of myself.

Jenny is a bit of a stalker and watches us while we swim, and then tells us how we are doing. This is good, though, even though it is bordering on illegal. But I guess if I can break into her house, she can stalk me. It's fair and square. She told me I am holding my form, and she says this is good. I am concentrating on making all of my parts do the things they are supposed to do.

I realize sometimes that one of my limbs is not moving, like I forget to move it and it is just hanging out, waiting to make conversation or something. Sometimes it is one leg, or an arm. Sometimes only one arm is moving at a time - nothing else, not even my head to breathe. Like seriously, how difficult is it to keep my mind on SWIMMING? I'm in the water, what does my body and brain think I am in there for? It's like I hop in the pool and some part of me goes on vacation.

It's not really surprising though, when you think of Spin class, because my brain goes on vacation there, too. But as Lisa says, there is no danger of drowning there. Probably that's why I don't breathe very much. Maybe my lungs just go on vacation sometimes.

Jenny says that she is not sure how she is doing, but she looks pretty much like a fish to me. I'm not an Olympic judge or anything, but she swims straight, breathes to the right and swims nonstop from one end to the other, barely takes a break and comes straight back. I think she is doing great.

She knows a lot of the swim strokes and stuff to get us toned up. So when she gets tired she can still swim but take little breaks by doing different things. I have to get caught up to her in terms of endurance. Her endurance is Fantastic. She doesn't give herself a break at all - she's like a stage mom with a little kid who she wants to be a superstar... no breaks, no screwing around, no games... get your butt working and no mistakes or you're not getting any dinner!

Jenny does this one swim move that I call The Grasshopper. It's like the front crawl except she keeps her head up, so she is just skimming above the water, like a bug. She's not as bad as the demon lady from Sunday because you can see that she is actually swimming. She is kind of like the exorcist but her head doesn't swivel around.

At one point, Jenny and I tried to run in the water like the demon lady from Sunday. It is hard to run in the water, especially when you cannot reach the floor. Now, demon lady motored around no problem, but maybe she was 30 feet tall. Who knows, when you are a demon or Inspector Gadget or a deity? Jenny and I tried our best while Lisa was busy breathing, but we were unskilled in the running underwater business. As it was, our legs were either ahead of us or behind us but never under us, and that makes it difficult to run. Not to mention the lack of a land bottom, the surrounding water and no real tension to push against. We did our best, though. We figured we would do ok because we are Satan and the Exorcist but no, sir.

We tried to get Lisa to become the exorcist today. She has the same problem I had - she is breathing out too slowly / swimming too slowly so she has to start doing it quicker. Jenny and I had her hang off the lane dividers so that she could dunk her head and do breathing exercises. I don't think she thought it a very good idea but that's the best way to get used to breathing out underwater and getting used to doing it quickly like that. She said she didn't want to drown herself but she didn't do that, so she must have worked it out in the end.

There was a bit of a debacle in the locker room before we left. When I got to the locker, there was underwear on the floor so I thought one of the girls dropped their drawers. "Ew," I thought, "Gross." But I thought I would be mature about it and 'put on MY big girl panties' so to speak, in order to pick up those big girl panties to return them to the locker so their rightful owner wouldn't be mortified that their business was being broadcast for all the world to see.

Not thinking about the task at hand, I grabbed my stuff and when my stuff was all safe in my right hand, I propped open the door with my hip and picked up the drawers with my left forefinger and thumb, and heaved them into the locker. I then raced to the shower where I scalded the hands off myself for touching someone's underwear. Dirt. I was a bit like Ace Ventura when he plunges his own throat after he finds out "Lois Einhorn is a man!"

I showered, then came back to the locker dressed, ready to grab my jacket and go. Lisa was sitting, waiting for me. The locker was empty, save for the ginchy-goos that were prominently displayed on the top shelf.

"I think one of you guys forgot your underwear." I said, as bravely as I could.

"Oh, no." Lisa said, in her Lisa voice. "Those aren't mine. When I came to the locker, they were laying on my bag."

"Oh, that was me, then. I found them on the floor when I got here and I thought they might belong to one of you so I flung them into the locker before I left. I thought one of you might own them and might want them back in the locker before a crowd of people saw them." I said, as disgusted as Lisa obviously felt.

"I don't own underwear like that," Lisa said, "I thought they belonged to you or Jenny."

"Um, no. My arse wouldn't fit in them."

We decided to leave the underwear on the floor where I originally found them, in case the owner came back. It would be kind of creepy if she started looking through lockers and found them in a random locker. We laughed about it, and told Jenny when we got out. People, take control of your drawers, for God's sake. Hold onto them.

On the way home, the heater in my SUV shut off. I had a panic attack and froze, both figuratively and literally. I was so upset I couldn't think straight. The girls were like, "ok you can plug it in and figure it out, it won't freeze up." Jenny said she would pick me up for work. I was beside myself. Then I went to hit the button to turn the heat on the window-unfreeze situation and accidently hit another button and the heat turned on... apparently my vehicle has a heat on/off button. SURPRISE! I didn't know that. I've had that vehicle since June and only just found out that I have that button in there. I'm so glad I don't have a heater problem. I still can't believe I have a heater on/off button. Who in the world turns their heater/AC business off?

I had scrambled eggs for dinner and Jenny couldn't wait to get home to have a baloney sandwich after swimming. I had Cream of Wheat and Dill Pickle Crispers with Tetley Chai Tea. No, I am not particular about what I eat. Yay for the 4 week food challenge! I wish Harley could cook. Who wants to start making meals for us? We don't have time to cook.

I'm starved to deat'.