I wake up this morning drowning in snot and white chunky bits of wonderful goodness from my throat.
Yes, you needed to know that.
My dog was afraid of me.
This was after a night of dreaming about Heath Ledger as The Joker. Well, "dreaming" is not really the best word to use. You see, a couple of years back, there was a period of time where I had hellish 'waking nightmares' about Heath Ledger as The Joker. In NL, we call these the 'hag'. I don't know what you mainlanders call them.
Jenny and I discussed our worst nightmares at length last night, after the Bike Night. Meanwhile, I'll talk about last night shortly.
Anyway, due to the discussion of nightmares, it took me a long time to get to sleep, and the resulting sleep was fitful, and because I am allergic to exercise, it was a rough waking moment, because I thought The Joker got me. So I hopped up out of bed, ready for a racket.
What a joke. I was alone, except for my dog. The only danger was me drowning in my own mucous-y wonderfulness.
For the past 2 days, I have gone to Jenny's house to pick her up for workouts and that arsehole jaws is asleep and I have to text her and call her and wait... and meanwhile she is in the house, stretching like a frigging cat, asking, "What? Is it time to go?" And here I am, waiting outside, like a savage wolverine face, and she is inside, in the bunk, practically in a coma, having the time of her life in a big nap. And I'm beat to the dirty old snot because just prior to this, I was over at the school, rehearsing my guts out. :P
By the lovely living dancing potatoes, it's a good chance I'm medicated or I might have a stroke, I tell her. Meanwhile, out strolls Jenny, "What's up bout it?" she says, "I'm not eating any more MacDonald's, it makes me sleep too long!"
And we're off to the workouts!
The night before - on the 'Good Bikes'
Lisa doesn't go, and Mat drives down on his own, so Jenny and I make it there on time to get our regular bikes.
And...... Jenny busted the crotch out of her pants. She was givin'er on the vag-busters, and I'm pretty sure we both got diarrhea from over-exertion, and when I got back from the bathroom I had to walk the track alone and it was very lonely. When she got back, she said, "I was wonderin' why I could see daylight through my pants, and then I realized that the vag-busters busted a hole in my pants! I hope nobody noticed it!"
Those damn bikes are dangerous.
Aren't you glad you don't work out with me? Nothing is sacred. I actually hear, "Terri, don't put THAT in the blog!" at least twice a night.
There was a lady who clapped for us when we walked around the track, and she made us feel really special again. It was kind of intimidating, like we should pick up and run because we were being lazy. I was getting stressed out a little bit.
Eventually, when we did core, she came over and introduced herself, and she is the honcho lady, and she asked if we would like to sign up for the triathlon...
PS the hottest man in the world is on TV right now - the guy off Burlesque - weeooo
... anyway, we said while that is a fantastic idea, we would not jump on the bandwagon yet because it is only our second week and we are just working on making our arses not hurt.
Jenny and I think that this group, well the entire 'lose weight and get healthy group' in general, is probably the most supportive group of people we have ever met. It's like meeting a bunch of long-lost friends or family: everyone wants to meet and talk and give you a big (metaphorical) hug.
PS - to all of our friends who ask us how we are doing, and check up on us, thank you, we appreciate it & thank you for caring about us :)
When we went to do yoga stretches, Jenny says everyone is going to see her underwear due to the blowout in her pants. Oh well, if someone is looking at her crotch, they get what they deserve, we say. I tell her that her crotch must have teeth. That is what my family back home says if you get a hole in your crotch. ha!
So we do stretches... these are the easy ones. Jenny tells me I'm a pretzel. I tell her a story about how I once slipped off a deck in flipflops in the rain, and unintentionally did the splits. It was such a shock that I thought I busted one of my legs off. I actually could not comprehend that I did the splits. I looked down and saw only one leg - my left one. I looked around for the other one - I had no idea where it was and I couldn't feel it. Then I looked behind me, and was completely shocked that it was still attached. I actually had to roll over to get it to move. And I could barely walk. The F word, in capitals, is the only word I can think of to describe the shock of pain I felt when the feeling came rushing back. W.T.F. happened to my leg?
Anyway, I'm pretty flexible, and it's a good thing, because I didn't break anything that time. But I sure did stretch the f*@& out of everything. And last night, I stretched but not to that degree. I might never willingly stretch to that degree again.
Jenny & I are already making better food choices sometimes. We went for salads after our workout yesterday, because we were famished. Although I threw in a stromboli because I thought I was going to die of starvation. And I'm waking up in the night, hungry, too. I feel like taking a picnic to bed, and if Harley wouldn't eat it before I woke up, I might consider doing it for sure.
Tonight it was our swimming night - yay!
We were worried that the pool would be a big giant hot tub because it was like that on Tuesday. Jenny found it warm but I thought it was cool. I think I'm running a temperature, though. Probably due to the chunkies hanging out in my esophagus. Whatever bout it.
When I am going swimming, I get a big anxious feeling. I don't know why. If I think about it, it actually makes it worse, of course. And the closer I get to the pool, the worse it gets. I actually feel near-dread while I walk to the pool. So strange. Then I sit down on the edge, and breathe, and breathe, and literally force myself to jump in. And then I am fine. I'm so strange.
Jenny is doing so so so so so so fantastic with her swimming. She is growing gills.
I am doing much better than I was. The SCS is watching like a hawk and he gives high fives after practice. He gets excited that we are not drowning, I guess.
I MADE IT 25m WITHOUT STOPPING AND WITHOUT DROWNING!!!!!! And oddly enough, it took me less than a minute. Swimming slowly = better.
I tried to do it a second time but at about the 20m mark, there were two men standing on the bottom of the pool with their eyes open doing sign language to each other and that threw me off a bit and I took in water. I didn't recover enough to keep going without stopping. Those buggers! Who does that? Anyway, I kid you not, they were there, talking to each other underwater, with their eyeballs open, and I lost my focus because I was trying to see what they were doing. I kind of couldn't believe it, and then I forgot to breathe and I forgot to kick, so while I floated, I realized I needed air and then my head was under water and I had a little panic so I turned my head to the side but not far enough that I could get air without water. And water + air into lungs that are already full of liquidy mucous + chunky bits = not a party.
Anyway, that was that. I was a bit weak by this time, it was 8:20. I was tired since 7:50. It's all good. I love the swimming part.
LISA IS A FISH. Two days at it, and she has gone from noT doing well to doing really well. This is awesome.
During her first time out, she had to put on an Aquafit Belt (a relatively large blue plastic-looking belt which goes around your waist and ensures that you float when you get tired of swimming), which makes her look like the Heavy Weight Champion of the Blueberry Picking Team. I'm pretty sure that I was originally NOT allowed to write about the Champ Belt, but since she introduced it in the comment section below, the Champ Belt is now fair game.
The reason I thought Lisa was drowned on the first day she was there was because she was not in our lane. She was not in our lane because she was trouncing off to get the Champ Belt.
In 2 months, we are going to be frigging AWESOME. In 2 months, we might be able to change the y to an i in 'Try'. Tomorrow, I won't be able to walk. The swimming makes me feel like an old woman.
There was no lane divider between the special lane and the special special lane tonight, so it looked like we were a super hangout lane. Then a bunch of dudes (they can only be called dudes because they weren't swimming, they were hanging out as if we were all at the beach... umm hello, we are trying to swim here...) came over to sit at the edge of the pool. They sat there and chatted like old women for awhile (yes, I can say that because one day I will be an old woman sitting down chatting somewhere), and then 2 girls dressed in bikinis and glasses (how the hell can you swim in glasses?) came over and sat about ten feet away from them. Ok, NOW it's a party.
This is the 'special' lane, obviously. We are at the 'bar' of MacIsland.
I want to pull a Robert DeNiro and smack my hands on the water and yell, "I'M SWIMMING HERE!" as loudly as I can but they are all probably too young and too theatrically-retarded to know what I am referring to.
Jenny and I were previously discussing how some of the people there are dressed to the nines and walk around and around the pool but do not swim, ever. Alrighty, then. Do that, if you like, but get the hell out of the special lane.
So, I'm swimming. Jenny goes first, and I try to get behind her so that I can swim directly behind her so I don't crash into the glasses-wearing non-swimming girl. However, in my attempt to tread water behind Jenny, my hand reaches into the back of her shorts and pulls downward. HAHA... And Jenny almost gets stripped at the pool. It's a good thing that she noticed because I didn't. First I assaulted Alanna, then Jenny... I think I even assaulted Lisa tonight.
Lisa and I both assaulted Alanna tonight. We all had our arms full and we had to put her money in her shirt aka her bra when we paid her... just one more thing I never thought I would have to do to a student... put money in her bra. Yep, just earned a front & centre seat in hell for that one :P
Another few guys come and sit on the edge pf the pool so now we are having a party. Jenny swims ahead of me, and then I go. About half way in, I come up for air and start to choke on the perfume. I wish I was a fish so I could swim underwater. :S
When I get to the end, I notice the first guys are gone. I guess they weren't impressed by Lady Gaga.
Lady Gaga ends up leaving. The other three guys stay awhile. This place is hopping. Take out the lane divider and all of a sudden it's a frat house. Throw in a cooler and next thing you know, we are going to have to call security.
The SCS high-fived Alanna tonight too, although he calls her Angie. I guess we can't win everything.
She is a damn good teacher. FYI, teachers make the WORST students, so she has her work cut out for her with us.
So here we are, half way through our first goal.... 8 work outs left before we celebrate!