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Wednesday, February 9, 2011

"Try-Athletes": Breaking & Entering

Brent was right - the girls needed me to come back.

Also, I remember way back in the day, I was pretty much told that I was becoming a Try-Athlete or I was going to die. Well, I decided to go hard or go home. I'm a bit competitive about things sometimes. We gave ourselves a challenge and we have to complete it. We have to get healthy, we have to get hot like JoAnn and Michele and Lynda and Brent. There are just some things that we have to get under control.

After work today, I went to pick up Jenny. However, she wasn't picking up the phone. She left work with a headache, so I thought I needed to go on a rescue mission, so off I went to be a superhero.

She told me to definitely come get her, and her not answering the phone was odd. So I kept calling, and calling. And I left messages, some to the effect of, "Get your lazy arse up out of the bed, you Coma Face." Now, for those of you who know me well, you know this is a tame message from me to my friends. In fact, some of my friends have the name 'A$$hole' programmed into their phone with my number, as it is a beloved nickname.

In the past, I have driven to her house and had to wait outside while Miss Muffet wakes up and gets ready EVEN THOUGH she is the one who started all this business. Tonight, I got to her house, and it was dark like a tomb. But I am not easily deterred. So I commited B&E.

Actually, that is a bit of a lie. She told me I have an open invitation. It's just that she didn't know the specific time I was entering her home. Whatever, that's a minor detail.

So I entered, and texted her with the message, I am in ur house. Where r u? And then, Where the &*^% are u? R u going?

No reply.

I went downstairs, in the pitch black darkness, fighting all my fears of the exorcist movies that I have watched in the past (one of which, The Rite, we only recently saw!) and made my way to her bedroom door. 'That arsehole lips', I thought, 'she better be here. Otherwise, I'll be too afraid to go back upstairs alone.' So I knocked. And knocked. And I knocked again because I figured she was in there, and by this point I was inconvenienced enough that I figured she was either really sick, or nearly dead, and since I was inconvenienced, so should she.

PLUS, this Try business was something she started, so her a$$ needed to Try to get out of bed, right quick.

"Come in." I was summoned, by what sounded like the offspring of a raven and a bullfrog.

"Jenny? It's Terri. Are you ok?"

"Come in" said the devil herself.

"Are you going?" I asked.

"Come in!" she said, more insistently.

I was a bit nervous, not knowing what to expect. But in I went. Jenny was completely disoriented, as I had just woken her up. But we got her together within a couple of minutes and got on the go. She is getting sick. :S

I told her I was a B&E expert now but she was ok with it. We didn't have time to eat supper. We got some digestive cookies (yummy!) and then we just left.

We got to Lisa's and she wasn't sure if we were coming, so when she realized we were there, she flashed her porchlight at us. We didn't know what that meant so we sat there, wondering if we were supposed to go rescue her or if we were supposed to leave. Eventually, she came out, and by the end of the night, when we remembered to ask, Lisa told us she meant to let us know that she recognized that we were waiting for her. We should have made a list of signals beforehand.

Nothing really extraordinary happened tonight on the busters, except we were not in so much pain. We have callouses now, we suppose. We went for a little run, and by little, I mean just a few short jogs. During lunges, I slipped and fell backwards. Jenny didn't notice until I got up. I think I lost my balance or something because I didn't notice until I was falling on the floor. But once I noticed, I got up. haha. It happened pretty quickly. We really should eat supper before working out.

Moral of the story: If you're sick, you're sick. BUT, if you tell me, your friend, that you really want to go to fat camp, and to come get you when you might give up, then I take you seriously, especially if we paid our dues and are doing well so far. I am coming to get you, even if you are in a coma in your basement/busy with family stuff. I will break into your house, walk through the scary crap like the exorcist stairs, and make you get dressed before dragging you out into the freezing cold to stick your arse onto the vag-busters until you are so tired you feel like you are going to bleed through your eyeballs. I will wait outside your house and text you and call you like Romeo Montague would do to celebrities if he were around today, all in an effort to ensure that your arse gets to Try-Club.

As long as there are no legal charges, I'll commit B&Es all year long :)

"Sometimes in our lives we all have pain
We all have sorrow
But if we are wise
We know that there's always tomorrow

Lean on me, when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on"
(Bill Withers)

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