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Monday, February 28, 2011

Just Us Tinseltown Girls

Jenny & I like all things related to Hollywood... the gossip, the movies, the actors, etc. So, of course, we watch The Oscars.

I got a text from Jenny around 4pm that read, are you watching the oscars tonight?

I said that I was, that I couldn't wait, that I had just grabbed a pizza and was ready to go. She asked if we wanted to watch them together. So I called her.

"Listen," I started, "my house is rotten. I haven't cleaned up in days. Harley and I are piglets and we don't care."

"I don't care either!" she said.

"No, seriously, listen," I continued, "my house is so dirty, that I have dishes here that haven't been washed in years. I have laundry that hasn't been packed away even though it was washed days ago, and I didn't take out the garbage yet. Harley's stuff is everywhere."

"Stop it! I don't care! I'm from the woods, I don't care about that stuff!" Jenny yelled at me.

"No, listen, my house is really dirty." I said, in a desperate attempt to ensure she was prepared for the state of my house.

"Shut up! What do you want from the store?" Jenny asked.

And so it was settled. I then went on a bid for the 10-second-tidy before she arrived. The bathroom was straightened up, and the dishes went into the sink. There was no hope in organizing anything - unless I intend to throw away everything I own, there is no way to get everything tidy. I have books, movies and various electronics everywhere. There are clothes from one end of the house to the other. There are crafts and paper in every nook and cranny. There are purses and bags and boots all over the place. When someone says, 'My house is lived in', they usually mean it looks comfortable. My house looks like it is lived in by a commune of at least 20 unorganized, forgetful people. However, there is just me and one very untidy dog. He doesn't put away anything, either. Whatever, it's all good.

So Jenny called, and said she was outside to pick me up to go shopping for snacks. We grab snacks, and drop in to her house to grab some other stuff. We watch a bit of the pre-show there and can't believe some of the dresses. Ummm, hello - Gwyneth, why are you dressing like Oscar? Try some colour other than gold.

It's a good thing we are perfect. We are dressed in our finest - jeans and sweats. Hair tied back, hoodies on, and wool socks in my case. Good to go.

We finally get back to my house and settle in with pizza, chocolate, and drinks. Let the big show begin!

My cousin calls and asks what we are up to. I tell her we are watching the Oscars, and she asks what the difference is between the Oscars and the Academy Awards. She asks if they are for music or acting... Jenny asks me to ask her if she is living under a rock LOL. We chat for a bit, and she tells me to enjoy the rest of the Grammys/Oscars.

This wasn't a big year for musicals but for one skit, they Autotuned some of the movies which was a good way to start. It started out well - the opening skit was funny and we thought we were in for a treat. Then it got S.L.O.W. The ending, which showed a class of kids singing, was for some, I'm sure, a great big hootin' & hollerin' jim-jamboree. I read online that tickets for the AAs are sometimes scalped for $30-40K, because only celebrities and their families get to go. So if someday, I am (a) a celebrity, (b) a family member of a celebrity or (c) someone who has spent in excess of $40K for a ticket to the AAs, I hope to see something more than a bunch of kids sitting onstage singing. Or I will be one of the first people walking up the aisle and out the door, much like one does when you attend a terrible movie and you can't wait to get to the bathroom at the end so you leave as soon as the credits roll. That would be me, at the Oscars, disgusted & leaving early to get some grub. If it were a Michael Jackson 'We Are The World' kind of sing-a-long, then sure, I would stick around, but a kids' campfire, 'Kumbaya' sing-a-long? No, thanks. Pass the chicken fingers.

Anyway, we ate our snickity-snacklets and fed Harley. Harley plays really rough and bit Jenny a few times. Harley's treats consist of things like rawhide and chicken strips and beef tendons. Jenny was a bit disgusted at this because she thought I initially said dog tendons, so she said he is like Hannibal Lecter, a cannibal of his own kind, and I should get him one of the Hannibal masks. Now he is Harlequin Lecter.

Some of the awards were a bit of a disappointment. The King's Speech swept up Best Director, Best Actor, Best Picture and Best Original Screenplay. Seriously. I only watched part of it.

Inception: Cinematography, Visual Effects, Sound Editing, Sound Mixing... All very obvious :) Should have also won Director & Picture.

The Social Network: Film Editing, Music (Original Score), Writing (Adapted Screenplay)

Best line ever: "I think if your clients want to sit on my shoulders and call themselves tall, they have the right to give it a try - but there's no requirement that I enjoy sitting here listening to people lie. You have part of my attention - you have the minimum amount. The rest of my attention is back at the offices of Facebook, where my colleagues and I are doing things that no one in this room, including and especially your clients, are intellectually or creatively capable of doing." Yep. Would seriously love this guy to tell me off.

The Fighter: Supporting Actor - Christian Bale, Supporting Actress - Melissa Leo

I didn't watch the whole thing but I love Bale.

Alice in Wonderland: Art Direction, Costume Design.... obviously :)

There were some other awards. These were the ones I cared about. Portman won Best Actress. The movie was alright but I didn't love it.

While I am discussing the Best Actor/Actress award, I may as well address the fact that it is really tough to get these awards, and obviously even to get the roles in order to be nominated for these awards.

However, if you take notice to the films being nominated over the past few years, there are more and more CGI films being nominated in the real-people categories. How long is it going to take before cartoon characters start getting nominated for Best Actor & Actress? Not only are you trying to beat out all the other actors and actresses for the jobs and the other awards, but now you are going to have to compete with CGI characters! For example, in Avatar, Zoe Saldana played Neytiri and if she is nominated for an Actress award in a human category, then obviously she could win it because she is human. But what if the category is filled with humans and some CGI characters, huh, and the CGI thing wins it? Who accepts the Oscar on its behalf? And would you keep smiling in the audience when the camera pans to you for your reaction? Or do you pick up your purse and storm the hell out of there?

Yeah, it could happen. The line between reality and fantasy gets blurred more and more everyday. Welcome to Hollywood, welcome to the movies, ladies & gentlemen, we make your fantasies come true :)

There were no really funny things or cool artistic things in this awards show, which was a letdown. From the 79th Annual Oscars:

Some of the dresses / costumes were interesting. There were some vintage dresses, a few very beautiful ones and some interesting ones. Jenny said the Best Director of last year's film, Bigelow, looked like she was wearing a Star Wars-esque Snuggie. I bet she was sweaty. The host, Hathaway, had on a blue rubbery-looking dress for a little while.

We wondered why some people don't comb or wash their hair for the Oscars. You would think that this ceremony is a big deal, so why don't some people spend a bit of time getting ready? And then other people look like their parts are shellacked and sprayed into place. You know, if you buy a nice dress, at least have a shower and comb your hair. Just sayin'.

Or, send your tickets or way and we'll take care of business. As long as I don't have to watch the sing-a-long at the end.

And while we're at it, can someone please tell the Director of the awards to put some creative stuff in there? There should be no deficit on creativity. Dear God, people, you are representing Hollywood and the BEST of all the creative arts - there are awards being given out for music, directing, acting, editing, sound, costume, makeup, etc. - CAN SOMEONE TAKE A LITTLE HINT & INJECT SOME LIFE INTO THE AWARDS CEREMONY & SPICE IT UP A BIT? They have the most creative people in the world in that room. Where is the inspiration, people??

You would think that your artistic awards ceremony for the arts of all endeavours would be a little more artsy. Where is the fun? Where is the life?

And Kirk Douglas, Spartacus...

'May God grant you always...

A sunbeam to warm you,

A moonbeam to charm you,

A sheltering angel, so nothing can harm you.'

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