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Saturday, February 12, 2011

"Try-Athletes": New & Improved - maybe

What has happened to me?

3 weeks ago I was sitting in a pub, being told by a friend that I was near-diabetic and eating too many cheeseburgers, which at the time I didn't, and was subsequently forced into becoming a Try-Athlete, something I adamantly refused to do. THIS WAS NOT PRE-PLANNED. I was even kicked out of the club on the second day because I couldn't breathe. You can't write stuff like this - no one would believe it.

Since then, I have eaten more cheeseburgers than I have ever eaten in my life (some of them covertly in random parking lots under the cover of darkness - although I haven't fallen asleep in bed with a cheeseburger or apple turnover yet but I have heard this has happened to people.... "Hello, lover"), yet I haven't worked out like this since I was a teenager. Now, I am sneaking into peoples' houses and dragging them out of bed to make them go to the gym. I am also hounding other people when we go out to dinner, in an effort to encourage them to join us at the gym.

I am watching other people at the gym and in the swimming pool, albeit to watch their form so I can ensure I am doing things correctly, but to them and others, no doubt I look creepy. If I saw someone watching me, I would think the person was a creep. Stalker alert.

I have begun stripping my clothes off in record speed because I am so excited to get to the gym, and it is no surprise anymore to see random people walking around naked, including children. I'm like, "Whatever, get outta my way, I'm not getting any younger! The shiny pool of diamonds is waiting." I almost elbow people in the face to get to the lockers, and there is really no need of that, b'ys.

I have also begun stripping other people and not noticing that I am doing it. I have a devout Catholic grandmother. If she knew I was going around, stripping the clothes off of my friends in public places, I don't think she would be very pleased with me. She would probably haul out the rosary and do a few decks of beads in my honour. Before long, she would turn on the radio to get a good Latin Mass being broadcast out of Boston so that she could light a candle and pray for my soul, terrified that I would be sent to Hell for my indiscretions.

I don't blame her. Since I started this Try-Club business, the crimes are just racking up: stalking, bodily violations, semi-flashing, break & entry... it's a good chance this is all happening with my friends. It's also helpful that I forget about my crimes rather quickly, therefore I, myself, feel no Catholic guilt. She takes care of my soul (thanks, Batnan... I call my grandmother 'Batnan' sometimes because she sometimes sounds like Batman but that is a story for another day).

Jenny calls me a Goldfish and this is not in reference to my swimming abilities. I am not a fish, despite Alanna telling me that I must, "Swim, fishie!" when it is my turn to do a lap. I am a Goldfish because I have no memory. I'm good for about 3-5 seconds before all the details are gone. You see, Spin & Swim are much funnier than the stuff I write here. The ab workouts are tough because of the laughs, too. But I can't remember a lot of it.

I'm slowly gaining some ab situation - I can see them. Like they say on the British sitcom, Absolutely Fabulous, "There is a skinny person inside of me just waiting to get out!"

I'm having the time of my life.


We are now getting ready to make the next round of changes in our lives:

- we have come up with our second challenge... the 4 Week Food Challenge: for the next 4 weeks, in addition to working out, we are going to end all the poor choices that we are currently making in our eating habits.

We will save one day a week for eating whatever we like (i.e., a cheat day), but the other 6 days will be 'clean' days. "6 clean & 1 cheat" will be our new motto beginning on Friday of this week. Mat suggested the cheat day, and it's a good idea. 'Cold turkey' rarely works. We won't beat ourselves up if we slip up, we'll just get back on the bike, so to speak. Somewhere along the way, ordering 'water' has become the norm. Different choices, slowly.

- the notes have gone online as an actual blog at Eventually I will write only a small bit of the note on facebook, as a teaser, then leave the weblink (on facebook, please click the 'like' button or leave a comment if you are reading and I'll start tagging you in the note so it will come up on your page - easier reading accessibility). We already have readership in North America and in the United Kingdom (YAY!).

This week marks the end of our first 4 week challenge.

We have only 4 short workouts until we are in celebration mode. We have planned a trip to Red Deer to see a production of RENT upon the invitation of one of our favourite graduates, which will be pretty fun. Before we go, though, Jenny's Religion class will be doing commitment ceremonies (i.e., marriages) and I have been invited to take part. It's going to be fantastic. It's like 3 parties in one. I'm going to be a Las Vegas kind of priest.

Tomorrow morning: THE Swim... the 50m swim. It's supposed to be our catch-up workout. We missed a workout this week due to my illness. We were going to go to The Running Hour today (where we intended to walk) but we went to Keyano last night to watch Catalyst Theatre's HUNCHBACK, and then we went for food. We had rehearsal today so we figured there was no way we would be able to do everything and still be able to properly rest.

On the drive home is where I got the idea about the 4 Week Food Challenge. 16+ workouts & less fatty food will yield more results.

HUNCHBACK: ummmm, fabulous. Go see it.


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