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Monday, November 21, 2011

Toe Jam

There's a lot going on this week.

I always say, "There's only a few things that bother me..." and then launch into a big rant about something, but I'm going to be honest: lots of stuff drives me nuts. I just forget about them until they drive me up the wall, and then whatever it is at the time just frustrates the life out of me.

Just now, for example, while walking from the bathroom to the living room, I hooked my little toe in the door frame.

> : - [

Picture how small your smallest toe is, and picture how big a doorway is... what are the chances that you would hook the tiniest toe (not half of your foot, or the last two toes even, but the very last toe only) and nearly rip the whole thing off of your foot?

And of course you don't know that you have snagged the little bugger until it's already half wrenched off, and by then, the pain shooting up your foot and through your leg, almost making your heart stop, is enough to scare the life out of you and you almost wish the toe was ripped off because it would probably hurt less.

So you either get weak and fall to the floor, or stick your leg straight out while holding the tortured foot up in the air, as if staring at it will make the pain go away (that doesn't work, by the way).

Yeah, I just did that hook-the-toe-&-almost-tear-it-off-thing. I got that heat wave of sickness and kind of hung on to the door frame for a second while the world got really hot and sickly, then I got enraged at the fact that the stupid little toe that is very nearly tucked UNDER the one next to it was hanging out far enough to nearly be decapitated.


It's not like this was my first time - I've been a victim/survivor of Toe Jam-Into-Walls my whole life. If I ever have to get my foot x-rayed, it will probably show that each of my feet are supposed to be an inch longer than they are.

Both of my littlest toes do this. They are little drama toes, always hitch-hiking and peeking around corners, and look what happens when things get out of place - you could get your head ripped off.

I have a bunch of busy-toes.

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