This past Friday, at Paddy's pub, Jenny gleefully announced, "We need to do something now because we are fat and we are going to die!" This was said in her usual dramatic intonations. While I was not surprised by the first part of the sentence, I was a bit alarmed about the second part of the sentence because I was unsure about how quickly this prediction was going to happen.
It was also said AFTER she had asked Brent to tell her ALL about his Triathlon Club. She then also announced that WE were joining the club. And by we, I mean we - she and I.
"I'm not doing a triathlon! Are you crazy?" I said to her while raising my left eyebrow.
"We don't have to do a triathlon, dummy. We're just going to work out." she replied. "We can do that, right, Brent?"
Brent looked amused.
"We're doing it." Jenny said forcefully. "We don't want to be fifty and all diabetic because all we do is eat cheeseburgers and donuts and chicken wings and hang out. So Brent, what do we have to do first?" Brent then explained everything. I tuned it all out because I had no intention of becoming a triathlete. I was repeatedly told I was doing it, though. Sacred Heart.
Brent then told us that we probably shouldn't wear bikinis to the pool for the swimming part. Jenny and I looked at each other and then looked at him as if he were insane. We laughed. Jenny said she would wear a full bathing suit and I said it was a good chance I would probably wear a diving suit and full SCUBA gear. I don't think he understands our fat seriousness.
Jenny and I went for Tim's, where we again discussed the triathlon business. She kept saying things to the effect of, "We are going to get old and die because we are fat and eat too many chicken wings and donuts". I don't think we eat too many of either of those things but there is no use to argue with her. I have eaten one donut this week and I had 3 or 4 chicken wings - not baskets of wings, just single ones. So she is crazy. But I did have 2 cheeseburgers and I had 2 plates of nachos. OVER THE WHOLE WEEK. She is out of control. I ate 4 eggs this week too, just for the record. Hang on, this is for last week, since it is only Monday right at this moment. I was also going to have some bread but she told me that causes herpes so I figured that was a no-go. haha
Anyway, while I kind of was almost convinced on Saturday, I wasn't looking forward to it anyway. We figure we will be as red as beets and need not only shoes and towels but probably portable defibrillators and a doctor on call.
Jenny wrote me a facebook message telling me to enjoy my last day of rest before we start exercising. It sounded so ominous. At that point, I was still thinking of ways to get out of it.
Monday @ work
Jenny tells everyone that we are becoming triathletes. She figures that by telling everyone, we will look ridiculous if we give up. She is right. Arsehole face.
All day, we tell each other that it's time to get off the donuts and cheeseburgers. We eat poutine and chicken wings for lunch. Nice. We also try to convince Mat and Lisa to join us. They refused, but we're not finished with them yet.
We have inspiration at work: JoAnn, Michele & Lynda (and Brent)... Jenny makes a good point: we want to be hot like them - we are younger than them and they are healthier.
We got our grading done. We figured we might not be able to walk tomorrow, so get as much done as possible today. We also figured we needed to nap before the big situation this evening. We made a plan to leave at 6.
Monday @ Triathlon: Showtime.
First: Those bikes are cute. We looked cute.
Second: Those bikes hurt after 1 minute. Jenny calls them vagina-busters. I can't even write that without laughing.
The instructor is awesome. You can bike for a long time after you think you are going to pass out. After awhile the room feels like you are on acid. Jenny and I laughed a lot so people probably thought we were on acid. When we finally had a chance to walk around the track, it was hard to walk. Then we had to get on the bikes again and we thought we would die from the bicycle seat violation. But surprisingly, you kind of get used to that plane of consciousness where you are not really a part of what's happening around you. You also get used to barfing in your own mouth. Whatever about it. The second time around was easier.
Tomorrow we go swimming. We need to go buy our diving suits.
Inspiration at Triathlon: Nancy - Holy Shyte she looks good! She's been at it since Nov and we made sure we sat behind her so we wouldn't give up when we got tired. We also checked out her legs and said, "We'll look like that soon!" Yeah, we're creepers (and we're only kinda sorry 'bout it).
So we are giving ourselves a 4 week challenge. Every day, we are going to assess how we feel, both physically and mentally. Will becoming "Try-athletes" actually makes us feel better all-around?
I also told her that if she is making me do this, that we are doing a triathlon or some sort of -athon, be it a marathon or whatever - I don't care. We're not doing all of this just to hang out and not eat cheeseburgers or chicken wings.
Someday we might add photos.
Feel free to comment, or if you have suggestions, we'd love to hear them. Don't be an arsehole, though. And if you'd like to join, talk to Brent.