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Sunday, June 10, 2012

'I Love Being Beaten Up' #SaidNoOneEver

Harley and I were beaten up.

First, one of my students decided to bust up my toe. He annihilated it.

I was trying to make him go to class and he basically kickboxed it. I had sandals on and he was wearing sneakers. You can see the problem.

So, my toe bent backwards at odd angles. The toe nail fell off and there was blood everywhere. I then took numerous pictures to prove I was an injured player.

Disclaimer: that's not exactly how it happened.

Reality: initially, I didn't know my toe was hurt / busted. I think I was in shock. The other teacher (whose room I was trying to keep my student out of) told me that my toe was bleeding... and so it was, a little bit. In nearly ten years at my school, no one has ever made me bleed my own blood (other people's blood... a different matter). I have stopped fights, helped kids who were hurt, etc., but have never bled. Until that day.

And the whole thing was a big joke to begin with. My students are very friendly and laid back and often come for visits and go for visits with others and generally are very good. So, when I went to see another teacher for supplies, this one kid trotted right behind me to visit, too. And when I turned around to tell him to go back to class, he said he was there to 'back me up' (because you know, I need back up when I visit people) and in the ensuing conversation, his sneakered foot kicked my sandaled foot and that was it for my toe. Game over.

The thing is, the kid didn't mean for it to happen, was kind of afraid I was going to give him detention for the rest of his high school years, and after returning to class while giggling like a loon, he then ran over for a hug while saying "It'll be ok, your toe will get better."

And his final words on the whole situation were, "At least it'll make a good story!" *giggle giggle*

He's so cute.

He then nearly broke my friend's hip when she asked him about it. In an effort to stop her from walking in his direction, he threw his envelope of paper in her direction when she was walking toward him and the envelope went careening under her feet, and she nearly fell down because of it.

He almost took out both of us in mere hours. He is so dangerous!


In other news, Jenny almost killed Harley. We went to visit her on Saturday. She lives in a house with a dog and two cats. What a bunch of shenanigans.

We walked in, and the dog wanted to eat Harley. He decided to stay away from her.

Then, Jenny was dancing and Harley decided to dance, too, but Jenny kicked him in the face because Harley can't dance, despite thinking he is human.

(She didn't kick him in the face because he can't dance... he was kicked in the face because his dancing skills were subpar, causing him to be a hazard in the dance)

The sound of the CHOMP-SNAP and the look on his face after was priceless. It sounded like dentures being snapped shut. Game over.

You could hear crickets after the CHOMP-SNAP and then he scurried away from Dancing Jenny pretty quickly.

He came running back to Mama right away.

THEN, Jenny said, "Oh, I'll show you a cat!" and brought a big orange cat to us. She said, "Oh, he's beautiful, he's so cute! He will love Harley!"

Harley hasn't ever spent time around cats before. He kept an open mind, mostly because he doesn't know any better.

The cat (who thinks it is a python) opened it's mouth and snarl-hissed at Harley. And it's mouth was big. And by snarl-hiss, I mean it screamed.

It was in Jenny's arms at the time, and she screamed in fright and threw it... "AAAHHHH!!!!!!"

Harley basically passed out in my arms.

I was stone-still in fear.

It then went over and hopped up on a counter and then up onto cupboards in 2 movements. Sneaky.

The PythonCat could have eaten us.

When Jenny went for a shower, I took Harley outside and we weren't out the door for 2 seconds... I turned around and PythonCat was right behind us. Very sneaky.

And scary.

When I looked at him, he took off. I had to protect my baby. Harley is only little and tiny.

PythonCat was big. And savage.

'PythonCat is nice' said no one, ever. He did not love Harley. Harley does not love him.

Harley did love all the little doggies he met at the park this week. Today, there were so many Maltese dogs, I couldn't keep up with them. They were like a bunch of maggots, all running around! So many Maltese!

Harley was tired from all the running. He smells so bad and needs a bath but I am lazy and don't want to do it. I wish he could bathe himself.

But no, he can't dance, he can't bathe himself, he can't protect himself. All he can do is run around and get dirty.

But, I suppose, at least my toes are safe around him.

1 comment:

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