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Friday, May 18, 2012

When Did You Exercise? :-/

Today was another moving day.

Awhile back, it was Jenny's turn to move residences. This time, we had to move my cousin, The Pixie. We were asked to move 'some clothes and an armoire.'

I said, 'I have some intestinal issues so I can't move an armoire but I'll see if Jenny is available. I can help with the clothes, though.'

Jenny was available.

Now you might remember from some of last year's stories that Jenny and I are the Funny FatGirls. We don't care what we do; we do what we want. And so we today, we wanted to help The Pixie move.

The Pixie changed her mind 800 times regarding the actual time of the move, so we were basically at her beck and call. 'Cuz you know, we're (in her words) 'just teachers breakin' and stuff.'

Yep, just teachers, hanging around on break.

Finally, we got down to business.

There were no clothes to move. It was all furniture! And I thought I was a hoarder! The Pixie needs to have the Hoarder show come visit her. We had to move boxes, clothes, games, dog food, dog treats, a dog, half a board nailed to a wall, a couple of table saws, a printer and a VCR before we could even get to The Armoire. And that was after we went down a flight of stairs, into the basement.

And due to my troubled intestines (that's a story for another day), I couldn't lift The Armoire.

So The Pixie looked at me like this  :-D  and I gave her a look like this  | :-/  . That's me with my eyebrows raised, except it looks like a unibrow and I have two distinct eyebrows. There was no way I was lifting the huge box.

Then we both looked at Jenny, to see if she could help. She looked at us like this  :-/  I'm sure she was thinking, "WTF" because of her expression.

But she did it. On the way up the basement stairs, she yelled, "Ah, I'm full of spiders!" to which Pixie replied, "There are no spiders in my basement" and Jenny then said in a very weak voice, "Oh, woe is me!"

I was giggling like a loon at the top of the stairs because I knew Jenny wouldn't lie. When they got to the top, Jenny was covered in webs. She gave me the dirtiest look of life after I said, "Let me hold the door for you" because she glanced down and I was carrying a pillow. And holding the door.

While she carried an armoire.

For my cousin.

Oh, dear.

So I dusted the webs off her shoulders.

Again, this is how she looked at me  :-/

We brought it all outside. Then we went inside, where Jenny and I thought we were getting The Clothes. Nope, Pixie said "So, do you think we can take this chest?" and by 'chest' she meant ottoman, which was a huge piece of furniture. And by huge, I mean it was humongous, so humongous that I once used it onstage and it was big enough to be easily seen by 600 people in a full theatre.

Yeah, that piece of furniture. We talked her out of it. Then she said, "Well do you think we can take the TV?" We said, "Where the hell are you gonna put a TV?" She stopped to think about that. We had never seen her place but that tactic seemed to work. The TV stayed where it was.

We went upstairs. There were no clothes being moved up there, either. Nope, just more stupid furniture. There was a night table, some baskets, hangers, pillows (which I carried) and a small chair (which I also carried).

The Pixie bossed us all around. Jenny was worried that I was going to be savage about being bossed around but I figured it was The Pixie's stuff and I wasn't really doing anything, so I thought we could let her boss her face right off, if she wanted.

Jenny was basically The Carrier of Everything.

I carried stuff, too, but Jenny said I did nothing but carry pillows. That is a flat-out lie because I also carried a basket with hangers, a chair, and some food. Plus, I got us drinks. And I also held onto the dog, and eventually put her in the bathroom when she got out of control.

But Jenny did do her share, too. I'm not saying she didn't.

We left that place and went to the new place. The Pixie said she lived on the 4th floor, so we thought we would bring everything to the elevator and make one trip out of it. Nope, Pixie lived on floor 2. She said we didn't need the elevator, we could just walk up two flights of stairs.

Jenny's face did this  |:-/  (but without the unibrow).

Then the furniture started coming out of the back of the truck at warp speed. One piece came flying out at me and I tried to lift it but I thought my guts were going to fall out of my arse end, so Jenny caught it and it started to fall forward. I said, "I'll help!" and immediately caught the tiny 8"x10" drawer for her. I thought she was going to kill me. She maneuvered the whole thing up the stairs like The Hulk, though.

She carried all the heavy stuff because Pixie decided to make the most amount of trips to take all of the little stuff. So she was flitting back and forth around us, running up and down the stairs, while Jenny took all the other stuff and I trailed along with the pillows and shower curtain rod.

Then we had to take bathroom breaks. Whew! What a whack of work! Beat to snots!

When we left, Jenny said she was so tired from all the exercise. I said, "Yeah? When did you exercise?" I thought she meant she was out walking or something.

She just about slammed on the brakes of The Blueberry right through the floorboards, and turned to me and screamed in my face, "ASSHOLE!"

And then, "What do you mean, when did I exercise?"

Jenny's face looked like this  >:-S

Then it dawned on me that 'the moving adventure' was the exercise.

Me   :-D

Jenny  :-/

It's been a long time since one of my friends called me an asshole, especially with that much emotion. I burst out laughing, and could barely breathe. Then she started laughing, too. My guts hurt so much.

She was really riled up, and on a pure rant.

"It's all right for you! You were carrying a pillow! Here I am, carrying 'The Armoire' with the spider webs! Then I couldn't use the elevator, and I had to carry all the furniture up the stairs by. my. self. Then! I! had! to! use! the! bathroom! Here you go, you carry the nightstand! You carry the chair! Here, TerriLynn, you carry the drawer! And I was just sweatin' the whole time, fat girl just sweatin' it out."

I wasn't sure why the bathroom was thrown in there but I guess it was a big deal. While all this was being said, she also held onto the steering wheel and tried to shake the shee-it out of her whole car.

Holy love of the Lord, was she wild. She wasn't mad, I could tell because she was laughing. She was just reminding me, loudly, that she did a lot of work, and I didn't remember it.

Sorry about not remembering that you were exercising.

Pure try-athlete in the house.

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